Meet Lauren Gardner | Clinical Therapist, Dog Mom, Plant Lover

We had the good fortune of connecting with Lauren Gardner and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Lauren, can you tell us more about your background and the role it’s played in shaping who you are today?

I was born and raised in beautiful Colorado and still call it home. I grew up with my mother and father, my maternal grandmother and my younger sister in a middle class neighborhood. Both of my parents worked and my grandmother would take care of my sister and I during the day. My grandmother was chronically ill and lived with her own trauma and depression. Due to her various health conditions, she was often in the hospital, undergoing a surgery, or steeped in sadness. While my parents provided anything and everything I could have needed materially, they were too stressed and drained to be emotionally present for my sister and I.

I never knew my father to let a day go by without having a drink in his hand. We had a cherrywood liquor cabinet in our living room where my grandmother was fond of telling me to stand and put my nose in the corner when I was being particularly unruly. It wasn’t until I was in college out of state that I realized my father was an alcoholic. His drinking coupled with his deep need to control everyone and everything around him led to many harsh and unfounded criticisms, yelling matches and name calling. I began to internalize the idea that something was wrong with me because no parent who says they loved me would be that angry with me all of the time.

Since my folks were not able to emotionally regulate themselves in the face of my suffering, objection or need, I learned to internalize my feelings and their opinions of me as a person. At the age of 6 years old, I began to experience dissatisfaction with my body, and extreme anger towards myself for perceived failures. Eventually, depression and anxiety manifested and I found myself seeking out my first therapist, unaided by my parents, at the age of 13.

I have been in and out of therapy from age 13 to now, eventually learning that my parents struggles were not my fault and that there was nothing wrong with me as a person. After a particularly difficult episode of depression, while in therapy, I realized that I was pursuing a career I did not care about, enjoy or want because my father approved. I immediately quit my job in marketing, bought study materials for the GRE and began applying to graduate schools to become a therapist.

It was a terrifying venture, to think that someone who had struggled as much as I did with my mental health could transition to the other side of the couch. Yet, I knew that being “in the trenches” with hurting people, offering them the support, validation and space they deserve with a keen understanding of what it’s like to be trapped in your own head, is what all of my suffering was for. I also recognized that if I were to discount my ability to help others because of my own struggles, I would be modeling behavior that reinforces the stigma around mental health. I am also a person who, when told they aren’t capable of something, quietly and emphatically shows how wrong that belief is.

Alright, so for those in our community who might not be familiar with your business, can you tell us more?

Having run my own practice for several years, I joined Lola and Me Therapy so that I could have community supporting me as I do this important but often challenging work. In a solo practice, I found that when I encountered ethical conundrums or safety concerns with clients, I felt as though I was not able to honor self-determination of the client in the ways I believe my clients deserve because I was limited in what potential options existed. The therapists in this practice are some of the most knowledgeable, passionate and kind folks I’ve ever had the pleasure to work with. I think that our culture trickles down to the client experience and that is why we are so successful. I feel 10x more confident in my skills as a therapist because I know I have a full team ready to back me up and sort through anything that feels messy.

Lola and Me Therapy is a truly unique practice in that it focuses a lot of effort into decolonizing everything from our therapeutic approach, to the interventions used in sessions and the types of groups we offer to the community. We are incredibly intentional around how we discuss things like diagnosis, and take our cues from the clients as to whether or not they even want a diagnosis. I feel we truly embody the Wounded Healer archetype.

As a group practice, we are able to offer a broad range of specialties and reach marginalized communities that may not otherwise be willing to enter a therapy room. Additionally, we approach client intake in a very different way than I’ve experienced in other practices and agencies. Instead of a first session consisting of an hour of history taking, where a client sits in the room with the therapist, essentially a stranger, and recounts everything they have survived, a client first participates in a free consult call. Once we are aware of what they want support with, we connect them with a therapist who is specialized in what the client needs. Then, the first session with a client’s assigned therapist is free, to give the client a chance to decide if they feel the clinician is a good fit for them and the work they want to do. I love the way we honor the experience of the client in our practices.

Let’s say your best friend was visiting the area and you wanted to show them the best time ever. Where would you take them? Give us a little itinerary – say it was a week long trip, where would you eat, drink, visit, hang out, etc.

There is no shortage of fun to be had in good old Colorado!

I’d likely plan to take friends to my favorite place in the world, Rocky Mountain National Park. We’d take time to hike up to the Alluvial Fan and enjoy the flowing river there, then head over to bear lake for the most picturesque photo shoot. Then we’d have to head down to Beau Joe’s for some pizza! Pro tip: Use the honey to dip the crust in for a sweet dessert!

On a different day, I think it would be a blast to take friends to Casa Bonita, the only baby pink restaurant I know to enjoy some sopapilla’s and watch the cliff divers before heading down to the Denver Center for Performing Arts to catch any one of a dozen highly professional and moving plays or musicals they have running at all times.

Ideally, we’d have time for a quick camping trip to the Maroon Bells where we’d see a ton of wildlife and gorgeous scenery while getting the chance to really slow down and gain perspective on our life and our place in this world.

Shoutout is all about shouting out others who you feel deserve additional recognition and exposure. Who would you like to shoutout?

I may go hoarse from all of the shouting out I’d like to do, but I will keep it short and start with my mother. She has selflessly showed up to support me in the best and worst moments of my life, even when it cost her personally. She has been willing to grown and learn with me so we could heal our relationship. She is the first person I want to call when something big happens. The sheer number of rehearsals, singing lessons, theater shows and therapy sessions that woman has carted me around to deserves some kind of award!

Secondly, a shout out to my best friend of 30 years, Heather. We have been through so much together, not all of it pretty, but Heather always shows up. One of my most favorite memories with her was dancing in the rain until we were SOAKED, for no reason other than we could. That’s who Heather is – A small but powerful ball of joy! No one person has consistently reflected back to me the truth of who I am and what I am capable of than Heather. If not for her friendship and love, I would have cried much more than I have laughed.

Lastly, a shout out to Ms. Glennon Doyle and the incredible wisdom she shared in her book, “Untamed.” These words have become a touchstone and eloquently capture the motivation behind becoming a therapist and pursuing my own healing:

“I had been deceived. The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me. I quit spending life trying to control myself and began to trust myself. We only control what we don’t trust. We can either control ourselves, or love ourselves, but we can’t do both. Love is the opposite of control. Love demands trust.”

Website: https://www.lolaandmetherapyllc.com/

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Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/laurengardnertherapist