Meet Dr. Rachael Meir | Founder and CEO of Defy Relationship Conformity Coaching

When I initially think about risk taking, my mind jumps to “adrenaline junkies” and thrill seekers who cage dive with sharks or base jump. Or those people who engage in risky behaviors like drugs and alcohol, unsafe sexual behaviors, gambling and rule breaking. Growing up, I was the “goody two-shoes” girl who wanted to do everything right and followed the rules to a “T.” On the surface, I appeared shy and reserved and unlike the stereotypical “risk taker” who would have snuck out of the house, thrown parties when their parents were away, or played hooky from school.

However, reflecting back on my life now, I would actually say that I have very much engaged in risk taking. At age 18, when I did not have a cell phone, and there certainly was no Google or Apple Maps, I went on a 6 week solo backpacking trip to Europe with just a Eurail pass and the Let’s Go Europe book. This experience was scary at times, and a huge opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth.

Although I had been raised to believe that you find a partner, get married, have 2.5 kids, work for 50+ years, and then retire and finally enjoy life, I quickly found myself going against the grain of this socially ingrained model and taking risks that many probably would not. I did get married, but then soon after explored my first adventures into non-monogamy through the swinging lifestyle. Although “the plan” had been to get pregnant and have kids by age 30, my husband and I instead found ourselves advocating for a “childfree by choice” lifestyle on the Dr. Phil show. At age 36, I quit my corporate job, escaped the “rat race” and moved to Mexico where I lived as an expat for 3 years. I embraced the life of an entrepreneur, in a foreign country where I did not even speak the language, and despite the challenges have never looked back. And for the past 3.5 years, I’ve been in a polytriad/throuple relationship with my husband Aaron and fiancé Kasey. We are having a ceremony later this year to demonstrate our commitment as three to our friends and family. After coming out fully, I launched a therapy/coaching business specifically geared towards education, awareness, advocacy and offering support to people also interested in unconventional relationship structures.

I believe that for many people, the tendency is to worry about what could go wrong. They remain complacent and stay where it feels familiar and comfortable, and ultimately safer. For me, I have found tremendous reward in stepping outside of my comfort zone and getting curious about what opportunity the unknown and new adventures could bring to me. Through this calculated risk-taking mentality, I have gained much more confidence and self-awareness, have developed new skills and a deeper understanding of my own capabilities, learned from my mistakes, and have been highly rewarded in ways I could have never imagined. The greatest rewards truly are on the other side of risk.

I am a psychologist turned Certified Contemporary Relationship Clini-Coach who specializes in helping people explore ethical non-monogamy without the fear of judgment, jealousy or damaged relationships. It’s one thing to have an affirming therapist who is nonjudgmental and supportive, but it’s another to have an informed coach who knows first-hand the challenges her clients face in their unconventional lifestyles and relationships. I pride myself for being publicly open about my personal life as a way to advocate for, and demonstrate to others, that it is ok to deviate from what is “normal”, “typical” or “expected.” By leading the way and going first, I have faced stigma and discrimination, emotional pain and suffering, and strained familial relationships. AND I have also gained a tremendous community of support and friendship, have strengthened my inner confidence and emotional resiliency, and have built a thriving business helping others to do the same.

I have gotten to where I am at today by taking risks, questioning societal norms and beliefs, working on my self-esteem and self-confidence, letting go of what is expected and finding my own truth, not giving up, being consistent, and showing up for others regularly. I have learned that some people are downright mean and nasty, but most are warm, loving, supportive and encouraging. Vulnerability is a measure of courage and having courage just means that you don’t let fear stop you.

I want people to know that I am here to help them be vulnerable and find their own inner strength and courage to show up in their relationships in the way that is most authentic to themselves. I want the world to see my authenticity and willingness to demonstrate that by facing fears and putting in the work necessary to overcome challenges, that the reward is so worth it! I want the world to feel an emotional connection to me and my story and realize that I am just another person like them. If I can do it they can too!

Colorado is a wonderful state because it has so many beautiful attractions and places to see. Some of my favorites include the Garden of the Gods and the Broadmoor Hotel in Colorado Springs, Red Rocks Amphitheater in Morrison, Chautauqua Park in Boulder and Strawberry Park Hot Springs in Steamboat Springs. As I am gluten-sensitive, I also VERY much appreciate the vast options of breweries that offer DELICIOUS gluten-reduced beers in Colorado. Some of my favorites are Four Noses, Brewery Rickoli, 12 Degree and Odd13! Furthermore, the food scene in Colorado, especially as it relates to those of us with food sensitivities/allergies, is phenomenal. Some of my favorites restaurants include: Just BE Kitchen, Root Down, Linger, and True Food Kitchen.

There are so many! But if I had to choose something that really seemed to help change the overall trajectory of my life, I would give a shoutout to the book, Happier Than A Billionaire: Quitting My Job, Moving to Costa Rica, and Living the Zero Hour Work Week by Nadine Hays Pisani. This book shares the story of a couple who “risked it all for the dream of living a happier life.” It was because of this book that I realized that life didn’t have to be the rigid, stepwise plan that had been ingrained into me and that I could in fact manifest a life in whatever way I dreamed! It’s because of this book that I started to gain the confidence to go against the grain, stopped worrying about what others would say or think, and decided to live in a way that was more true and authentic to me. In doing so, I have had tremendously positive experiences and significant life changes that have had an incredible impact on me. I now strive to serve as a role model and example to others so that they too can experience profound transformations in their own life.